You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
