he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
even my farts smell like vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
