sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
