You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just google imaged poop.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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