hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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