I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
