Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
