just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
