Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
