I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
