wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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