Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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