Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
