Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
