Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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