I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
