I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
