did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
