I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
