You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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