Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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