the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
