Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
