How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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