I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
