I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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