shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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