you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
