she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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