Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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