I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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