if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
