ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
