Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
