We won't sleep together?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
