a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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