i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
