Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
