three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
