I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
