I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
