I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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