I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
