And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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