I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
