She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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