just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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