I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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