I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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