The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You should frame my arrest warrant.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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