Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
