my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
