clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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